I didn't shave. On purpose
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
