You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
