Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
