He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
