So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
