just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
