I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
