I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
