The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
