After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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