Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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