so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
