well I can't set my house on fire every night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
