are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
