and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
