my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
