one two three fourrrrnication!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
