On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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