And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
