im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
