Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
