so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
