I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
