Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
