went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
