We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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