My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
