I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
