Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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