the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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