sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
