i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
