I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
