I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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