If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
