it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
