If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
