just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
