What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
