Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
