She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
