She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
