you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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