So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
