So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
