I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
thus making me awesome and them whores
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
