The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
