My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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