How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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