1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
