i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im part way to drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
