i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
