just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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